Hooray for USA! Voting for President DOES NOT MATTER!

That’s right. You heard me. Your vote doesn’t actually matter…at least not in NY…which is where I live. If you actually read how our system works…this article explains it really well.

So, Trump, Clinton, Your Mom…doesn’t matter who’s on the ballot for President. Doesn’t that make you feel so good?? God, I just love this country. It’s really too bad all of my family and friends are here…I’d be a good candidate to move to another country…or just live in the woods and off the land, but I couldn’t leave them behind. So, I think I’ll just skip voting this year. “WHAAAT?! But all of those women who faught for your right to vote, Val!” Yeah well, thanks, but it seems like it doesn’t matter even a little since the president isn’t elected by popular vote. I’m curious to see who would have been president if popular vote mattered after this election…as terrifying as it is, I bet it would be Trump…there are some reaaaally dumb people out there. I’m not saying that I love Clinton, but c’mon…this guy is a joke. He has no experience in politics, plus he’s going to be representing us to other countries….yikes. Scary…I’m fairly certain the electoral college isn’t going to let him win…unless they are really into fucking with the American people…which is also scary.

I wonder what would happen if no one voted. At all. I bet we’d still have an electoral college vote for who our pres would be. Why is this so messed up?! And WHY are these our only two choices?!? FML. Seriously.

Our system is super messed up and someone should fix that shit, but they won’t because politicians are corrupt and don’t actually want anything to change…make America great again? When are you talking about?! We’re terrible people! Let’s start from the beginning, we took over the country from the people who were living here first and killed them and took away their homes (immigration policy much?), and then we had slaves…forcing human beings to work for white people for free and then beating them, hanging them, raping them…yeahhh…that’s a great time in our history! Oooh, or how about when those slaves were freed, we made them use separate bathrooms and water fountains and they had to sit in a different section of the bus or a restaurant, and then when they wanted to be treated fairly, we rejected the idea and were violent and hateful and hurtful. Or how about the time we segregated the Japanese because of our fear? All great times in our history, right?! And then more recently, we have the hatred toward homosexuals and transgender folks. We sure are awesome. And that past, man, I sure do want to go back there!! Sounds great!! Pffffffffftttt!!!! We’re the worst. So full of hatred. So full of fear. So full of self involvement and selfishness. We won’t even help people that have no where to go. What if the Native Americans did that to us back in the day? What if…I sure would like to see what that world would’ve been like. Maybe might be a little more in line with where I feel we should be…appreciating the world we live in, thanking animals for giving their lives when we kill and eat them and use their bodies for things we need, hunting and foraging and gardening. Back to basics. That…that would be great. If you want to make America great again…take away all of the stuff we have. Like actual tangible items. Turn off the internet. Turn off the TV’s. And just live. How hypocritical of me to be using the interwebs to share these thoughts…however, if we didn’t have these things, I wouldn’t feel this way and I wouldn’t feel the need to share it.

I want to live in a place where people care about each other. Aren’t concerned with tangible things or making the most money or how they can make the next big buck without concern with whom you hurt along the way. I want to live in a place where we take care of each other. Whatever I have is yours if you need it, and you do the same for me. Utopia. I just want more caring about people and less caring about stuff and money…because as it’s been said a million times…you can’t take that with you when you die.

Thanks for reading

Keeping perspective

I read this one blog post probably at least once a week. It’s written by one of my friends who also happens to own the gym I go to. I read this blog to try and keep my perspective of other people and their struggles. No one else has quite articulated their struggle the way he has and this particular blog makes me both sad and hopeful…not to mention makes me want to push myself extra hard when I go train. This is just one example of how I take things on personally and try to help and make things better. This one person has designed a system, a plan, for me to better myself. He didn’t have to do that. And, sure, I pay to go to the gym, but it’s definitely not enough for all that Contemporary Athlete does for me. It’s not just about lifting heavy things and staying within my macros for me. It’s about making sure that I’m giving my fullest in a place where my trainers are giving their fullest. When I read this blog written by Dave, it reminds me of how much work he puts into this business. How much he sacrifices so I can come train for 45 minutes on any given day. It brings the whole thing together. All of the pieces. When I can tell that he’s having a shitty day, I think back to this blog…and I think…did he sleep last night? Has he eaten enough today or did that $20 have to go into his gas tank so he can be here for my class? Is there something he wanted to do that he just couldn’t because he’s created something so awesome? What is going on today that’s stressing this person out and how can I help? This person just wants to help people….has devoted his life to helping people. It doesn’t seem right. And I don’t know how to fix it or make it better. Here’s his blog if you want to read it. It’s very well written.

This is one of the examples of my perspective. It’s actually exhausting to be me. I’m not trying to self glorify, it’s actually a problem for me. I want to help everyone and everything. I take on everything as my own. The weight of the world literally feels like it’s on my shoulders every day. That’s why I had to get rid of Facebook. I want to fix everything. I want to make everything better. Literally. Everything. I want people to stop killing people. For whatever reason…they were stealing, the color of their skin, or by mistake. I don’t care. I just don’t want people to kill other people anymore. I want to figure out how to make that happen. I just don’t get it. If you’re scared, you COULD just go for like an arm or a leg. Why are we shooting to kill?? WHY ARE WE KILLING EACH OTHER?! I mean, I’m all for population control, but surely there has to be a better way! And then I wonder how can I fix this? And when I realize that this problem is too big for me to do on my own, I just get sad and shut down. Or how about kids that are hungry? Why the hell are kids going hungry in this world?! If there were a child outside of my door RIGHT now telling me they were hungry, I’d feed them! Why are we not trying to fix this? How do we not have a solution??
I recently watched a documentary called Cowspiracy and I learned that agriculture is the number one cause of our greenhouse gases! Yet it’s no where to be found on any environmental website because the agriculture industry is so powerful (and clearly greedy…they just want money…just like insurance companies…) How is this a thing? How can I fix it? Of course, I could go vegan, but that’s only fixing it for me…what about for the people in the future? We’re not going to have any rain forest left if we keep this up…people realize that if there’s no rain forest, there’s a minimal way to balance the CO2 that we produce. It’s science. How do people not believe in science? They’re willing to believe in a religion and a God, but not something that is tangible and fact? How? I believe in both…why can’t they? And then I have trouble with the people who say they’re “not a racist, but…” Let me tell you something that a wise woman once told me. If you have to justify your statement with a BUT, then you are that thing. For instance, “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but that girl is a fucking bitch” Everything prior to the ‘but’ should be disregarded. You ARE being a bitch…the “not trying to be, but” for some reason makes it okay in that instance. Well, it’s not. And you’re a bitch. And you’re a racist. Which I also don’t understand. How can we be so hateful?? It hurts my heart everyday. What has made us so angry and scared? I mean, things happen and there are bad people. Why do we have to label those people? They’re just bad people…they’re not Muslim terrorists, they’re just terrorists. Just because they identify as Muslim, doesn’t automatically make the entire Muslim faith terrorists. You know that there are Christian terrorists, too, right? They’re just bad people. They’re terrorists…whatever religion they say they are, we both know it’s not possible that they really are because not one religion says that killing is okay. Not one. In fact, quite the opposite. Why is this such a hard concept to understand?? I have a friend who approached me after 9-11 and told me of the ridicule she experienced on a bus ride. I can’t even imagine how terrifying that is!! How come we can’t put ourselves in these people’s places?? They’re just as upset, if not more, about these situations than the rest of us! We need to keep things in perspective. We need to join together, not separate. Muslims, Mexicans, African Americans, Asian, German, Italian…guess what? We’re all in this together as AMERICANS. And other countries are looking at us and shaking their heads. And I’m wondering….HOW CAN I FIX IT???? We all know our votes don’t REALLY count, so then what…? What do I do? How can I make this better? Why don’t we have compassion anymore? We don’t say hi to each other. We live in a perpetual state of fear. Fear of other people…and a lot of the people I hear the fear from are the people that use the “I’m not a racist, but…” phrase. Yes…yes you are. Stop fooling yourself. And change your thinking! What the hell is wrong with you?? All cops aren’t bad. All black people aren’t thieves, all Mexicans aren’t rapists and drug dealers, and all Muslims are certainly NOT terrorists.

I could go on about that forever. Seriously. That’s a big one for me. It bothers me that I don’t know how to fix it. It’s not about politics, either. It’s about being a human. Being a compassionate human. Put yourself in someone else’s place for a second. That Muslim woman that just passed you in the mall. Think about the looks she has to deal with. The whispers behind her “Do you think she’s an Isis?” She’s just trying to shop for clothes for her kids. How terrifying must that be?! Or how about the black man that’s just been pulled over for speeding. He has a Harvard degree and is late for a meeting because he had to pick up his suit at the dry cleaners and is wearing a hoodie and jeans because he’s going to change when he gets to work. With everything that’s happened, even if he does everything he’s supposed to do, there’s a chance that he’ll be pulled out of his car and possibly end up with a broken limb or, worse, dead. I’m not saying that happens all the time a black man gets pulled over or a Muslim woman is walking in the mall, but it HAS happened. And that must be terrifying to be in that situation! If I got pulled over and knew that another 34 year old woman was beaten by an officer, it would at the very least be in the back of my mind that that could happen. I’d be scared! I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like to know that people have DIED! How hard is it to put yourself in that situation? I don’t care what someone has done in the past. I care about the right now. That person did not deserve to die….no one deserves to die. To be caught, and tried in a court, yes. But not death. Who the fuck are we to decide that someone should die? And if you’re a person of faith, don’t you think that you’ll have to answer for those thoughts? Thou shall not kill. It’s one of the big 10. There’s not a stipulation like “Thou shall not kill…unless they’ve killed someone else or they looked scary or they were a major drug dealer.” It simply says “Thou shall not kill.” Compassion. We need it. Big time.

We’re destroying everything that was created for us. Including each other. We’re denied basic human rights…to live healthy and to feel safe. White people are scared of other races and other races are scared for their life. How about we just admit that there are some super shitty people in the world and then work together to capture them and put them in jail? Wouldn’t that work better? Like, two sets of eyes works better than one?

And how can we live healthy when insurance companies have so much control? I’d rather pay for every single person to have health care and be able to go to the doctor for medicine if they need it than to walk into a grocery store and be worried that someone couldn’t go to the doctor and are now carrying the virus that’s going to turn everyone into zombies. I really don’t want to become a zombie…not today anyway. Then again, it would make everything a lot easier because I wouldn’t care anymore….not alive, no emotions, no soul, no feelings. That would be a lot easier for sure….I just don’t feel like it today. The affordable care act isn’t affordable at all. And some company’s insurance plans are just awful! Not to mention, there’s more money in keeping people sick than there is in making people better. There’s seriously something wrong here.

There’s something wrong with everything. When did we become so self centered and greedy? How do we not care about other people? I mean, I don’t even LIKE people and I don’t want them to die. At least not like this. If God wants to smite some of them, meh…I guess I’m okay with it. But why are we okay with killing each other? Why are we okay with people not being able to go to the doctor if they need to? Why are we okay with the world being destroyed? Why is this all okay? And HOW is it up for debate?? Have your own opinion, sure, but these aren’t really opinion things…they’re common sense things. Why are we letting these fear mongering tactics tear us apart and divide us? Americans say this is the greatest country in the world…but I don’t see it. I’m an American and I just don’t see it. How?? How is this the greatest country in the world?? We only care about ourselves…and not even as a collective country!!! Literally only care about what affects our own lives. That’s not unity. That’s not great. That’s not compassionate. What the fuck is wrong with us? Why can’t we get our shit together? Why are all these greedy people and racist people allowed to control so much? And why can’t I fix it? I just want my heart to stop hurting…my heart hurts for us, for those that are discriminated against, for those who can’t see that they’re racist and part of the problem, for those like me, who don’t know what to do about it, for those who can’t see beyond their nose, for those who don’t want to admit that racism is a real life thing that’s still happening, for those who are struggling and working hard to make ends meet only to be let down by those you’re trying to help…my heart just hurts.

Republican, democrat, conservative or liberal, we need some humility. We need compassion. We need to keep perspective because we’ve clearly lost our way. We’ve lost our way when our only two options for President are a hateful, fear mongering monster and a lying murderess. We’re lost and I’m scared for us. And I just don’t know how to fix it and it makes me so very very sad. I just don’t know what to do…but I’m open to suggestions! I just want to put a band aid on the world, give it a hug and a hot cup of tea and say “It’s going to be okay…I have the answer” but I can’t because I don’t. The only thing I can do is hope that one day a light bulb will go on and all of a sudden, we’ll wake up and say “we’re doing this all wrong! We need to work together! Not be afraid of each other!” Though, I think people are a little too self involved and self focused to realize that they’re wrong and need to change.

My heart hurts…and I don’t know how to fix these things…and that’s all I want to do.
Thanks for reading.

Firefly Day!

13 years ago today, the last episode of Firefly was aired on Fox. They decided to end it after one season. Now, if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re a fan…if you’re not a fan, just know that most of us are still upset that stupid FOX cancelled our favorite show, so now there’s a big gaping hole where awesomeness used to be…we’re left to just re-watch the season…singular…and the movie in sadness and longing. Always longing for more. Although, at this point, I’m just not sure it’d be the same, though if they did try to make another season…it’s like a double edged sword because on one hand, it’d be great to have another season to feed the need, but then what if it wasn’t what we thought and hoped it would be? Or what if, God forbid, anything happened to Joss during the writing of the second season?? Then what?? Another Dollhouse?! Blargh! It’s almost like why mess with something so perfect?

If you haven’t watched this show…let me tell you, it is…AMAZING. The writing is clever, the characters are intriguing and the stories are enthralling. Each one feels like a movie in and of itself. Of course, Fox aired the episodes out of order, so that could be why it didn’t do as well…I blame them for this…ah-hem…anyway…the pilot episode “Serenity” is a little long feeling if you’re not familiar with it. Once you’ve watched the series a few times, you grow a fond love of that episode. This is sorta what it’s like:



True story. To both.

And now I have an unhealthy obsession. I have all of the comics, I have the awesome Legacy action figures, the dictionary, the anniversary edition book which includes scripts, interviews and all sorts of other shiny things, I have all of the Firefly Loot Crate Exclusive subscription boxes that have come out so far, I have all but one of the games….I even have a purse that my bff and sister got for me! SOOO much Firefly stuff! I just want to submerge myself in it. I literally watch at least one episode per day (I go through phases like that…I’m sure it won’t last forever, but right now, it’s been ongoing for about 5 months)…I just can’t get enough of it for some reason!

And today, we mourn the death of our favorite show, Kayla and I do. We will have Mudder’s Milk for dinner (without alcohol because we don’t want to fall asleep) and Strawberries for a snack…since it’s just the two of us, we didn’t really plan for much more food than that…but there’s plenty of other things you could make and do to celebrate! And maybe next year, when Firefly Day falls on a Saturday, we’ll explore that a little more. But for now, it’s just a few hours we get…next year, we’re going to watch the whole series and the movie in honor of today.

I guess all I can say at this point is, if you haven’t checked this show out, you’re really missing out. If you decide to watch it…just know that Kaylee is me…like, in real life…I’m her. Mostly…except the whole talking to people thing…she does that, I don’t really like people much. But her bubbly personality and seeing the bright side of every single situation; that’s me.

If you’re going to celebrate today, let me know what you’re going to do! Maybe we can share ideas!

As always, thanks for reading! ❤

Stay shiny!

All things Shiny and New

I realize it’s been a bit since I logged anything. The truth is, I wanted to take a minute from all things social. I also have been super busy with actual life.

Anywho…the last week or so has been AMAZING!! I’ve been able to read more…I’m almost finished with Felicia Day’s book “You’re Never Weird on the Internet (almost). If you don’t know who she is, then you’re probably not a gaming nerd like me…which is okay, too…she’s fantastic though and her book is incredible!! I wish she’d written it and I could’ve read it before I met her…I would’ve felt like I knew her better…she’s a lot like me in her awkward ways and we could’ve talked about that! She was at the Renaissance Faire that I went to when I lived in California with (most of) the cast of The Guild. It was a nerdy dream come true! Here’s a picture of her and I:


I was appropriately wearing a perfect shirt hahah…I’m not sure if she noticed…I was so super excited to meet her!! She’s so awesome.

So, I’ve been reading more. There’s that…I’m also obsessed with this show called Firefly and have been for many years, so I’ve been watching that again and again and again…in fact, my best friend and sister and I are doing a Firefly Day tomorrow because the last episode was aired on August 19th, 2003. So, after work tomorrow, we’re going to watch our favorite episodes (we’d watch the whole series if we had more time, but we’re old, so we can’t make it past 10 pm these days…) and we’re going to make some snacks that are themed from the show. Here’s a pic of us donning our awesome hat from one of our geek subscription boxes:


Yup…we’re two peas. She’s my person and I love her. That’s Jayne’s hat from Firefly in case you didn’t know. If you did, do you wanna be best friends and talk about Firefly all the time?? Shiny!

But I digress…these last few weeks without Facebook have been absolutely wonderful. I feel better. I feel happier! When people tell me about the crappy things going on in the world, I’m not as overwhelmed with the doom and gloom of it all! Some days I still have that urge to check on the little notifications button. It’s not there, so it makes it easy to not check it. Sure, I could reactivate Facebook, but why would I want to give up this feeling?

As my title photo says, I am responsible for my own happiness. With all of this extra time from not having Facebook, I’m remembering the things that make me happy! Like reading! Soon, I’ll even have time to game again!! My house is cleaner, my things are ready for work in the morning so I can sleep an extra 15 minutes, I’m better at keeping up with friends (still working on that one, but better). Things are just overall better in my life! I’m loving it!

I think that’s about it for now!
As always, thanks for reading!

Stay Shiny!

What a Weekend!

So, I know I didn’t log anything the last few days, but seriously, nothing was really different…until today! I’d wake up, and look at my phone for that little magical “notifications” button and a little piece of me was sad to not see it.

Saturday, I went to a BBQ with some awesome people and hung out, and didn’t concern myself with what was going on on my phone (except to check the time and see if my hubby was trying to call me). I was fully present for the first time in a social situation in a really long time. I noticed that other people couldn’t stay away from it. I noticed that it’s really hindering our ability to interact with each other. I’m not a really social person to begin with, at least not with new people. So, not having my phone to hide behind made it a little awkward for me…what do I say? How do I talk to people? So, because of that, I didn’t really start any conversations. I mostly listened and then if I had something relevant to add to the conversation, I would. It was a little weird, but I’m trying to embrace the new found freedom of not hiding behind my phone. I was comforted to know that other people felt just as awkward as I did and that’s why they were hiding behind their phones. By about halfway through the party, pretty much everyone was there and was having conversations. I chose to spend most of my time playing with my two favorite ginger children…I tend to associate with kids better than adults…they don’t have any skewed views of the world yet, they just want to play and have fun. I love those two. I love playing and I love not having to interact with people much. I guess small people are an exception to the rule. They also don’t expect me to talk to them much as long as we’re playing. I’ll take that trade off.

Sunday, my husband and I went on a small trip for his work. About an hour and a half away. There was a solid hour and a half of time where I’d have by myself, so I brought a book. Can you imagine?! A BOOK! For the first half hour or so, I decided to play some games on my phone. Sometimes, I like those matchy games just to zone out on for a while. I find it relaxing. So, I did that. And then I decided to actually read. I read two whole chapters in the time it took for him to get done! What have I been doing wasting so much time on Facebook?? If I’d still had it, I definitely would’ve gone down the rabbit hole and just hung out there for the entire time! When he was done, I wouldn’t have felt accomplished, or good…I would’ve been upset not only with myself for wasting so much time, but I’m sure I would’ve read something that would’ve upset me, too!

I’m excited for where this venture is taking me. I may never go back…well, maybe once we buy a house…just for bragging rights…but even that, I’m not sure of anymore!

I woke up today, and a funny thing happened. I went to my phone and checked the weather, but it didn’t even occur to me to look where my Facebook app once lived in my “Social” folder on my main screen on my phone. I think I’m getting better! It’s only been six (I think?) days and it’s already not a part of my morning routine? This is great! I guess the only thing I really miss are the cute animals and children pics. Especially my little niece, Z. She’s the cutest of the cute. I’m going through Z withdrawal. *As a side note, her name isn’t Z…but it’s creepy and weird to put a child’s name in a blog, so I’m not going to do that* I suppose if I want cute cat pictures, I CAN just google them. And I could always ask my bff and sister for pics of my Z.

I really feel like I’ve gained so much from not being on there. I’m actually feeling myself decompressing from all of the negative information. My favorite is when anyone is like “Oh, did you see that thing on Facebook?” And I look at them with a half smirk and they go “Damnit! You don’t HAVE Facebook!” It’s funny. And it’s happened with more than one person at this point.

To be fair, I feel I should disclose that Facebook is the only social media that I’ve abandoned (I also deleted periscope, but I didn’t really use it…and I thought it was super creepy and weird…I only had it for about a month, I think?). I still have Instagram and Twitter. Although, to be honest, I’m never even on them. I could probably delete those as well, but then who would I brag to about my new Firefly Loot Crate box to? Literally…never go on them…I never really liked twitter (and only signed up because a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, Stephen Colbert used to tweet during his show “The Colbert Report” and I would go on when he was on TV…although, that only lasted like a week). And now Instagram decides what I want to see instead of just posting the most recent things….Look, I follow and like things for a reason…don’t tell me what I want to see. That being said, the only time I’m on there is literally to post stuff or if someone tags me in something. I don’t think I’ve ever “scrolled” through twitter…and I can’t even tell you the last time I did on Instagram.

Anywho…I’m finding this no Facebook thing to be fantastic! I love every second of it! I mean…I read a book this weekend, guys! Well, not the whole thing, but ya know…two more chapters than I would have if I still had Facebook!

As always,
Thanks for reading!!

Day 2

Well, let me go back to yesterday for just one minute…I didn’t have time to log a few things yesterday in a new post, so I want to make sure to do it now so I don’t forget.

There were several times yesterday where I would’ve just popped on, even just to scroll through things…the biggest one was lunch time. When I had Facebook, I would scroll through to see if anyone had posted anything new during lunchtime. Buzzfeed was my favorite thing to pop up. And then at about 3 pm and then again at about 4:30 (when our USPS and UPS people would pick up all of our stuff for the day). I wouldn’t like hang out on there, but for some reason, those were the times I would just pop on, even just to scroll…there was something cathartic about taking those two minutes in the middle of my day. I don’t know why I felt that way, there was rarely anything positive to read about.

The next point where it was a little bit difficult was laying on my couch in the evening. At the end of my day, before I put my phone away, I’d scroll through one more time; see who’s birthday’s were coming up, look for funny videos or cats…or kids, I suppose…lol. I’m beginning to see why it was making me feel so down. Each time I opened up the app or the website, I was opening myself up for the great possibility to see something terrible. Not only that, I was a slave to this “social” world where I could be “social” without interacting with anyone. Like a post here, laugh at another one, sad face this one…and it goes on. I cringe when I think of how much time I’ve wasted on there. Sure, it’s nice for things like catching up with old friends and setting up events (that’s probably one of my favorite features about Facebook…it was INCREDIBLY easy to set up events), but when I consider how often I get to connect with someone I haven’t spoken to in a really long time or the amount of events that I’ve created, it’s so minimal compared to how many awful things are on there for me to see. Also, throughout the day, I’d have my boss telling me all about what was going on with Drumpf, or Clinton or abortions…so, I really am not missing out on much except getting my own information. Plus, I really don’t mind the election stuff as much as I minded seeing with my own eyes, a video from a hospital in the baby room (whatever that’s called) where a nurse literally picked up the baby and started beating it…turned it upside down and swung it around like a tire swing sways from a tree. It was horrifying. And that’s just one thing I’ve seen! AND I can’t UN-see that!! It’s burned into my brain forever!! Never mind the poor animals that get abused all the time and people want me to share it to “spread the word” when in actuality, we’re just glorifying the person who did it and giving them the attention they clearly missed out on in childhood.

But I digress. Today is day 2. It was still weird waking up and not seeing a little bubble of notifications on my phone or to even click on the app. It’s also a little weird to get to work and not open up the webpage (for some reason whenever I go on to my work computer, I have an order of operations that I HAVE to go through or I feel weird…possibly a little bit of OCD…who knows). I’m missing that step in my morning. But I keep trudging along. I slept really really well last night. I’m wondering if it’s because I wasn’t bombarded by terrifying images and videos.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t miss it altogether. I do, but I’m not sure if it’s that I really miss the application itself or if it’s that I miss having that step in my day or the content. I mean, I do miss seeing your kids and your pets and your funny memes…I enjoy a good meme. I know it’s only been a day, but I already feel like I have more time. Last night when I got home from work (before going to my strength and conditioning class), I had an hour and a half…during which time, I had to eat, get ready for class and do whatever else I wanted. Normally, I’d easily lose a half an hour or 45 minutes on Facebook. Yesterday, I put some things away, I did a few dishes, I put the sheets in the washer, I ate my dinner while I watched my favorite show…and actually watched it instead of just having it on in the background. It was pretty nice! And I felt less bad about being so tired when I got home from class that I didn’t want to do anything!

I’m looking forward to what today brings without the Facebook. So far, so good, though!
As always, thank you for taking the time to read! I hope you enjoy my experience! And if you have any comments, I’d love to read them!!



First blog post

Hello Friends!

Yesterday at about 4 pm est, I decided that I no longer wanted to be a part of the Facebook community. I did some research on the matter and discovered that people tend to be happier without the social media platform. I’ve been struggling with some of my own depression and over the past year or so, it’s gotten worse. I tend to take things really personally, even if things have nothing to do with me, or are out of my grasp to change. Just to give you an idea (nothing to do with Facebook) I was in such a terrible place, that as the lot across the street from my job cut down trees (an entire ecosystem, really) to build a new pet clinic, I cried. Over trees. I cried. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m totally not. Not just crying, though, sobbing. I realized that I wasn’t doing so well and started to look into why.

What could I change that would make me not so sad about things that I see outside my window? Well, turns out, I could change how much information I allow myself to have. That’s not to say that I don’t want to know what’s going on, I’m just not sure I need to have all of that information on the right side of my computer screen as “Trending Now.” A lot of people seem to think that it’s simply about the upcoming election (God help us all), but it’s not just that. With Facebook and the instant information, I’m being bombarded on a daily basis with shootings, GMO’s, lawsuits over ridiculous things, racism and many many other accounts of violence. An even simpler explanation, I try to be the best human that I can. I help whoever I can whenever I can. So, when I see other humans hurting each other or animals (that’s a biggie for me, too) or our environment, it’s overwhelming for me and it gives me a sadness that I can only describe as a combination of wanting to give the earth a big warm hug and say “Mama’s gonna take care of it” (even though I know I can’t do it all by myself) and wanting to crawl under my blankets at home with my cats and just stay there forever. Either way, it wasn’t a good feeling.

It took me 9 whole months to actually pull the trigger. I just kept reading that people without the Facebook tended to live happier lives. After some things came up on the trending list yesterday, I guess you could say I snapped. It had to go. This thing is TOXIC!! The amount of cute animals that I see on Facebook and your adorable children isn’t enough to outweigh all of the other crap that comes with it.

I’m not saying I’ll get rid of it forever. But I definitely need to take a hiatus. And that’s why I decided to start this. I want to log how I’m feeling each day, what I think about the situation and how tempted I am to log back on.

I’ll start with this…when I hit that deactivate button (with the option to keep messenger because I like talking to my friends), I immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. For the rest of the night, I went to my strength and conditioning class, focused on what I was doing, and was immediately able to let all of the crap I read all day go. It was great! I slept so well last night…except the dream (or nightmare) of someone reactivating my account without my knowing. I was pretty upset about that. Then I realized that it was just a dream and I was okay again and went back to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, as most of us do, I went to my phone to see what was going on and if I’d missed any messages or calls (I keep my phone in the kitchen on the charger with the ringer off starting at about 11 pm when I want to start getting ready for bed). Then a strange thing happened. Out of habit, I went in search of my Facebook app. And it wasn’t there. Momentary panic until I woke up a little more and remembered, I’m free! It’s still a little weird at 10 am without having gone on at all to see anything. So, it’s not an easy transition, but I’m going to stick it through. I’ve got to. For my mental health, for my own sanity and for the hope that maybe at some point, I can come off of the Prozac and not be sad all the damn time. I still feel like I’m missing something in my day, but I really think this is for the best.

I’ll check in again later on, once I’ve gone through more of the day…these are just my initial reactions and also an explanation of my experiment/life change. Thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts on this, I’d love to read them!! Here’s to a happier life!