Day 2

Well, let me go back to yesterday for just one minute…I didn’t have time to log a few things yesterday in a new post, so I want to make sure to do it now so I don’t forget.

There were several times yesterday where I would’ve just popped on, even just to scroll through things…the biggest one was lunch time. When I had Facebook, I would scroll through to see if anyone had posted anything new during lunchtime. Buzzfeed was my favorite thing to pop up. And then at about 3 pm and then again at about 4:30 (when our USPS and UPS people would pick up all of our stuff for the day). I wouldn’t like hang out on there, but for some reason, those were the times I would just pop on, even just to scroll…there was something cathartic about taking those two minutes in the middle of my day. I don’t know why I felt that way, there was rarely anything positive to read about.

The next point where it was a little bit difficult was laying on my couch in the evening. At the end of my day, before I put my phone away, I’d scroll through one more time; see who’s birthday’s were coming up, look for funny videos or cats…or kids, I suppose…lol. I’m beginning to see why it was making me feel so down. Each time I opened up the app or the website, I was opening myself up for the great possibility to see something terrible. Not only that, I was a slave to this “social” world where I could be “social” without interacting with anyone. Like a post here, laugh at another one, sad face this one…and it goes on. I cringe when I think of how much time I’ve wasted on there. Sure, it’s nice for things like catching up with old friends and setting up events (that’s probably one of my favorite features about Facebook…it was INCREDIBLY easy to set up events), but when I consider how often I get to connect with someone I haven’t spoken to in a really long time or the amount of events that I’ve created, it’s so minimal compared to how many awful things are on there for me to see. Also, throughout the day, I’d have my boss telling me all about what was going on with Drumpf, or Clinton or abortions…so, I really am not missing out on much except getting my own information. Plus, I really don’t mind the election stuff as much as I minded seeing with my own eyes, a video from a hospital in the baby room (whatever that’s called) where a nurse literally picked up the baby and started beating it…turned it upside down and swung it around like a tire swing sways from a tree. It was horrifying. And that’s just one thing I’ve seen! AND I can’t UN-see that!! It’s burned into my brain forever!! Never mind the poor animals that get abused all the time and people want me to share it to “spread the word” when in actuality, we’re just glorifying the person who did it and giving them the attention they clearly missed out on in childhood.

But I digress. Today is day 2. It was still weird waking up and not seeing a little bubble of notifications on my phone or to even click on the app. It’s also a little weird to get to work and not open up the webpage (for some reason whenever I go on to my work computer, I have an order of operations that I HAVE to go through or I feel weird…possibly a little bit of OCD…who knows). I’m missing that step in my morning. But I keep trudging along. I slept really really well last night. I’m wondering if it’s because I wasn’t bombarded by terrifying images and videos.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t miss it altogether. I do, but I’m not sure if it’s that I really miss the application itself or if it’s that I miss having that step in my day or the content. I mean, I do miss seeing your kids and your pets and your funny memes…I enjoy a good meme. I know it’s only been a day, but I already feel like I have more time. Last night when I got home from work (before going to my strength and conditioning class), I had an hour and a half…during which time, I had to eat, get ready for class and do whatever else I wanted. Normally, I’d easily lose a half an hour or 45 minutes on Facebook. Yesterday, I put some things away, I did a few dishes, I put the sheets in the washer, I ate my dinner while I watched my favorite show…and actually watched it instead of just having it on in the background. It was pretty nice! And I felt less bad about being so tired when I got home from class that I didn’t want to do anything!

I’m looking forward to what today brings without the Facebook. So far, so good, though!
As always, thank you for taking the time to read! I hope you enjoy my experience! And if you have any comments, I’d love to read them!!

🙂

~Val

First blog post

Hello Friends!

Yesterday at about 4 pm est, I decided that I no longer wanted to be a part of the Facebook community. I did some research on the matter and discovered that people tend to be happier without the social media platform. I’ve been struggling with some of my own depression and over the past year or so, it’s gotten worse. I tend to take things really personally, even if things have nothing to do with me, or are out of my grasp to change. Just to give you an idea (nothing to do with Facebook) I was in such a terrible place, that as the lot across the street from my job cut down trees (an entire ecosystem, really) to build a new pet clinic, I cried. Over trees. I cried. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m totally not. Not just crying, though, sobbing. I realized that I wasn’t doing so well and started to look into why.

What could I change that would make me not so sad about things that I see outside my window? Well, turns out, I could change how much information I allow myself to have. That’s not to say that I don’t want to know what’s going on, I’m just not sure I need to have all of that information on the right side of my computer screen as “Trending Now.” A lot of people seem to think that it’s simply about the upcoming election (God help us all), but it’s not just that. With Facebook and the instant information, I’m being bombarded on a daily basis with shootings, GMO’s, lawsuits over ridiculous things, racism and many many other accounts of violence. An even simpler explanation, I try to be the best human that I can. I help whoever I can whenever I can. So, when I see other humans hurting each other or animals (that’s a biggie for me, too) or our environment, it’s overwhelming for me and it gives me a sadness that I can only describe as a combination of wanting to give the earth a big warm hug and say “Mama’s gonna take care of it” (even though I know I can’t do it all by myself) and wanting to crawl under my blankets at home with my cats and just stay there forever. Either way, it wasn’t a good feeling.

It took me 9 whole months to actually pull the trigger. I just kept reading that people without the Facebook tended to live happier lives. After some things came up on the trending list yesterday, I guess you could say I snapped. It had to go. This thing is TOXIC!! The amount of cute animals that I see on Facebook and your adorable children isn’t enough to outweigh all of the other crap that comes with it.

I’m not saying I’ll get rid of it forever. But I definitely need to take a hiatus. And that’s why I decided to start this. I want to log how I’m feeling each day, what I think about the situation and how tempted I am to log back on.

I’ll start with this…when I hit that deactivate button (with the option to keep messenger because I like talking to my friends), I immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. For the rest of the night, I went to my strength and conditioning class, focused on what I was doing, and was immediately able to let all of the crap I read all day go. It was great! I slept so well last night…except the dream (or nightmare) of someone reactivating my account without my knowing. I was pretty upset about that. Then I realized that it was just a dream and I was okay again and went back to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, as most of us do, I went to my phone to see what was going on and if I’d missed any messages or calls (I keep my phone in the kitchen on the charger with the ringer off starting at about 11 pm when I want to start getting ready for bed). Then a strange thing happened. Out of habit, I went in search of my Facebook app. And it wasn’t there. Momentary panic until I woke up a little more and remembered, I’m free! It’s still a little weird at 10 am without having gone on at all to see anything. So, it’s not an easy transition, but I’m going to stick it through. I’ve got to. For my mental health, for my own sanity and for the hope that maybe at some point, I can come off of the Prozac and not be sad all the damn time. I still feel like I’m missing something in my day, but I really think this is for the best.

I’ll check in again later on, once I’ve gone through more of the day…these are just my initial reactions and also an explanation of my experiment/life change. Thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts on this, I’d love to read them!! Here’s to a happier life!

Cheers!
~Val